Metamorphosis

metamorphosis [met-a-more-foss-is, -seez]

Noun

pl -ses

1. a complete change of physical form or substance

2. a complete change of character or appearance

3. Zool the change of form that accompanies transformation into an adult in certain animals, for example the butterfly or frog [Greek: transformation, frommeta after + morphē form]

I feel like that's my life right now a metamorphosis in a sense. I'm changing. For the better. At least that's what I hope. I'm understanding, seeing, believing what I've been blocking out for now. I'm facing the truth. Optimism is what I'm grasping. I'm need to open up more in these blogs. I think that's part of my change. I always put that smile on for people ,but break down all at once. When I have problems I've realized what I do. I don't like to talk about them. Then when I do I tell people all at once and make it hard for them too handle. I guess I'm the same as my Dad. We'd rather not talk about the problem 'till it gets so bad we have too. I still don't know how to balance telling people what's going on or keeping it inside. I don't think I'm being dishonest ,but at the same time just leaving my problems to myself to deal with gets to me sometimes.I guess I like to lie, to myself. When I don't talk about my problems I sort of forget what's really going on. Taking on Vices help me cope. I've realized in the past weeks what type of person I am. 

So on a less serious note. This one guy is getting to me. I don't know what the hell I'm thinking. Am I falling for him? Shit. I don't know. We have so much in common. And I told SO MANY people that I wouldn't. He's not necessarily my "Type" ,but it seems like he's getting there.  I don't know. To think about we'd really relate. In so many things. I'm being shallow. But I keep thinking I can still have those others.. Maybe if he wasn't such a okay I'll just say it, a girl. Emotionally. He's immature. Maybe he's deep and I'm calling it immature. It's possible for someone to feel so much? Do I look for unemotional guys? Fuckk.

Then the other guy. I don't even know how to feel. He's so unattached. You can't go through my friends to get to me. Imma' tell you that now. I like upfront. But I'm holding back. I just don't know how to approach.

Too much is going on. I don't even wanna' say the other thing. 

i really opened up in this one.. just hope people don't take it the wrong way.