dear.

I'd say I love you.

But I'd be lying.

I would cry.

But I don't have tears for crying.

It's hard the road is cold.

But I gotta' keep my head up 

That's what Daddy told.

Shoulda' seen it coming.

But I kept a blind eye.

Kept my head up in the skies.

I refuse to admit.

Numb to reality.

Still got me questioning.

Momma' do you love me?

I know the answer.

Refuse to accept the truth.

Turned a gentle heart into a brute.

Wondering how'd we get this far.

Shoulda' tried harder.

But never met your bar.

I didn't get through.

Still wonder what else I needed to do.

I wanna' miss you.

But anger makes it easier to cope.

Easier to hold on to pain then to hope.

...

Sad Day. Thankyou for getting me through it. I don't know what's going to happen in the next weeks. Or days. I have a feeling I hope it's not true.

Gettin' My Chub On.

I AM FAT. Yeeeee.

"I Know"

"I know you do... But I've told you everything about me"

I've been making all these short blogs lately. Sentences basically. These feel better. Help me keep from saying things I'm going to regret. I put less thought into these blogs so there more honest. Did you notice when you say something without thinking or make a decision quick it's usually what you really wanted to do? It's like when you think too much more of your mind and logic takes over.  These blogs make me feel this way. I've been hitting backspace to much. 

I've talked to Jacki today. Said what I needed to say. Almost all of what I needed to say. My heart took over my mind after mindless physcology. Hopefully tomorrow will bring what I need to say.

Friddayy.

Won't go into details don't talk about Fridays on here or Much about my personal life rather discuss it with TheBest. All I can say is

I'm happy again because of You. <3

Blahhhh.

Enough "H's?" Just finished studying for History. Excited for tomorrow. Get to meet someone. Ok, this does not sound so enthusiastic.  Where am I going with this? I don't know. Glad everything is ok again between me and yeah. Actually, Nothing was technically wrong that she knew of. I just still wish she would tell me. Maybe she'll eventually admit it? Oh well. After hours of conversation I forgot about the whole thing. It remained in the back of my mind though. Still love her crazy ass. Haha. Still have problems with someone ,but I honestly don't have anything against it ,but it's starting to get to me.

               Highlight of the day was NOOBTOOB replied to one of my comments! I love em' watch them addictively. Sadly I didn't notice that they even replied they replied on Tuesday and I just noticed now darn youtube didn't place my reply in the right spot though. I'm going to send in a video to get it on the show. I'd die of happyness if that happened. Gotta' think of something interesting to get me o the show.

Ten' O Clock.

These past two days have been trippy.  I've felt like I'm sleeping ,but walking not like a zombie just really out of it especially today. Since it was rainy I was falling asleep during sixth period well into Obama's Acceptance Speech.  It was good ,but rain falling, dark room just did the trick. I don't know if I'm swimming tomorrow. Goodness, this blog is boring. Just needed to keep my mind away from laundry. Errr. Off to play galaxy now. I will beat it Kevin. Mark my words [;

^I still need to take more pictures of my fatness

Tomorrow is the Day

"There is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America.  There is not a black America and a white America and a latino America or Asian America - there's the United States of America"- Barack Obama

Ehh, I had to delete some stuff. No particular reason. Just because I figured out by the end of the month I'll have too much randomn shizz. 

Tomorrows a big day Inauguration Day. First time I've been really interested in Politics. Big Day for alot of people even if it wasn't for ourselves it's a big day for everyone.  Empowering ,yet scary. I only hope Obama lives up to his word I know he can't do everything ,but fo rhis sake I hope our country improves.

*Edit: Haha, I noticed alot of blogs are a day off because I'd post them at like 3a.m. and i'd be talking about well you get it. 

Stealin' Posters

"I dare you to steal the little advertisement thingy"

Ok, These two days have been the best. Not ever. But best this month.

Went to the movies watched Bride Wars. It was an ok movie. I should try taking a bath with lemon slices. Me and Jacky went sort of crazy. Swear, people thought we were high. Fudruckers ended up laughing being to the point where we couldn't eat our sliders. I ended up ordering 9 sliders till' Jacki corrected me. Laughed the whole night. Cried a bit. Attempted to steal Fudrucker Ketchup. Evaded pervy boys. Evaded more pervy boys. Wish the whole week was like this.

*Oh and I need to take pictures more. 

LaLaLaLa. [=

I'm happy, fully happy.

 I haven't said that inna' a while. I know I'll only feel like this for a bit ,but I'm gonna' ride the high while it last. Yeah, It's because of you.<3

Ooops. More like "Oh shit"

Huston, Rachel has made a problem

I'll try to respect every decision you make, seriously. I just don't want you to get fucking hurt.

Well I've explained myself already to you, you know how I see it homie just keep yourself safe, K?

Love you. You know it. Just think your getting caught up ya' know? I know your gonna' read this so thought I'd solidify it with a blog right? 

I've realized that sometimes I look for things to get angry about or be a bit mad about to distract me from what's really going on.  Then when I finally find something I'll get mad for a bit, then get mad more, hold on then let it go *most of the time. I'm not mad anymore though just wish you'd admit it haha, it'd be better if we'd talked about it. It probably turned out funny instead of me attempting to get you to admit yeah. yeah. yeah.

I'm struggling to keep my composure sometimes, not on the outside ,but inside. I think too much. Like earlier me and mom saw some starbucks cup sitting on the shelf at Tanfuran I thought about how it could be pee, then if someone picked it up and sipped it what if it had a disease, would they die? what if they didn't have insurance? why is the government so fucked up? then it pretty much went on from there. Ok, Not to that extent ,but you get the point. Other people just perplex the hell out of me. Wait not perplex. I think I sort of understand.

I understand it ,but I don't agree with it. Holding on to things just brings you more bullshit. I know that for a fact. Grudges. Exactly why the horror movie was named that. Grudges can turn life into horror movies. Just minus the spewing guts and a girl crawling out of a television. But again in the words of Jacki "I ain't trippin' ". 

*EDIT: You know what. Fuck Composure. Blogs are about whatever.So fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. I think I have the right to "trip" a bit. I'll stay out of whatever for now. I'm just bringing you so much bullshit right?

Bestfriends are like Babies.

New metaphor. Ready? Actually, Rachel-phor. Love you Tree. I've been stalking your blogspot been on there a million times waiting for a new post haha. I'm nosy [;

Bestfriends are like Babies. They can be sweet and innocent, but go to them at the wrong time and they'll shit all over you.

*yes i fucking made that up. Rachelphor-NumerDos

FrontofMyBackStabber or Stabbers?

Aye, Bitch. Hello there, I would like you to meet my hand.

These past days have been hectic. Haven't been to school in three days. Already technically missed four days in P.E. 'cause my stomach is being a major pain in the neck or stomach? I figured out I can't blog everyday. That would be just too much to go through. Currently I'm pissed, angry, confused all within the same negative-ass catergory. SOMEONE. Who I know dosen't read these blogs ,but I haven't even figured how blogspot works is going behind my back and talking about me. I don't mean to be a bitch and complain about it on blogspot 'cause I know I sound like one right? Fabulous. Sheer fabulousness.

I think it's funny how you pretend to ask me something just 'cause your "wondering" when I clearly know what your doing. It's not what your doing ,but more of WHO you are. At least who I thought you WERE. 

SuperMarioGalaxy.

Extreme want for this game to the point where I need to blog about it. I know I'm super late on this. Very late. About two years late ,but there's no time like the present to smash my face in front of a tv screen for a good twenty hours right? 

Quick side note *I know I've told so many people this before ,but any one notice the secret message U Are Mr Gay? I still find that placement very clever [;

The Butt-Load System

So I basically screwed my New Years Resolution up already. So let's call this the first day of the Blogging "resolution" to blog at least every other day.  Nothing very exciting happened yesterday ,but for the sake of my memories I'll blog about today and yesterday. I know "exciting" right?

Yesterday (Thursday) I went to with Dad to Tita Vick's House to drop her off to the Airport to go off to the Homeland.  We  finally after 20 minutes of stuffing cholesterol grade burgers down our throats, brought her to the gate.  I realized how much stricter the airports are getting no joke they took away the damn plastic bag. What the hell was Tita gonna' do with a damn plastic bag? Suffocate the person behind her for kicking her chair? Seriously. 

Now on Viernes. I don't think I spelled that right. Today was quite substantial compared to yesterday where the majority of my day was left pondering on how a Plastic Bag could be such a deadly weapon. CeeCee is in the hospital because of Asthma. Eeeks, Asthma. I remember asthma, mine comes occasionally just after running ,but not compared to her. I hope she grows out of it. Me and dad bought pizza at dominoes. This is really out of order.  Then when we were actualy in the hospital me and dad spent a buttload of minutes haha, "buttload" I don't even think that's an accurate measuring system or is it? Could you imagine "Chubbybuttload", "Anorexic-Buttload" and "Cakelover-Buttload".? Well we spent a "Flabby-Arm Buttload" of time searching for the room.

Feel better Baby 

2008 Year of the Slinky

Wth slinky? What does a slinky have to do with 2008? This chicks crazy...

Okay so that was my possibly accurate guess at what the heck was going through your mind when you read the title. Thanks to English Class I'm starting to like using metaphors (rachel-isms in Audrey terms) in regular conversations which at times may annoy the hell out of people because they now have to think of what the heck I was talking about like how mash potatoes is like breaking up. Any guesses?

Back to why Slinkys have anything to do with 2008. Remember slinkys? Let's take a flashback to our childhood when we would attempt to make those little metal coils tumble down the stairs only to get frustrated and end up stretching it with our hands till were left with just a bent piece of twisted metal. Or the plastic ones that you could get at Chucky-Cheese. It's basically the same theory. My 2008 was like a Slinky because I went through my ups and downs. Down that ugly brown staircase of life. 

I'd like to think of the Slinky as more of me. I got stretched out so much this year. You know how when you were little you'd pull a slinky and it would go back into place ,but be just a little disformed ,then you'd pull it more and more until it just wouldn't snap back. I feel like thats me. I got pulled a little ,but I always came back. Pulled a little more came back ,but now I'm pulled farther from what I'd consider sanity. I used this slinky-ism because if I were too blog about what in 2008 caused me to become a Stretched-Out Slinky then it would be 2010 by the time I finished.

The start of 2009 is the start of a new "Slinky". Let's just hope my Slinky this year will be able to snap back.